Let Your Freak Flag Fly

Being yourself is difficult, I mean it’s difficult enough just to be a human being! But especially during those formative years, during the high school years, and during the college years. This time period is when you find yourself, but it’s also where you find your people. My mom used to always say, “You don’t find your husband in college, college is where you find your bridesmaids. It’s after that where you find your husband.” Granted, she found her husband in college, so Do as I say, not as I do. And thank goodness she did because otherwise you wouldn’t be reading this right now.

I always wanted to think that was true. My college experience hadn’t reflected that, though. I always knew I had my two best friends back in Wentzville. Nothing was ever going to change that and nothing ever will. But I hadn’t found it in college. My mom has awesome girlfriends – they throw Holiday Parties, they talk on Facebook, they are still very close knit. I don’t know whether those are her friends from college or where she gathered them from, but she always called them her Girl Gang. Which is a very different thing from her best friend! I love her best friend too, but they’re different relationships. 

My first three years of college were decent. At the time, I really enjoyed them. I still look back on them with (sometimes) fond memories! I still had never felt that Girl Gang atmosphere, though. I made friends, I made acquaintances, I met people that I love and adore. There is a part of me that knows I never truly ‘Let My Freak Flag Fly’. A special anecdote for all you Shrek The Musical lovers out there. A part of me was holding back and never showing every part of myself to everyone because I was afraid. Of what? I’m not entirely sure. Maybe being accepted? It wasn’t until I really started to work on myself and be comfortable with who I am that I started to put that version of myself out into the world with no hold barred. As I should! Do you know how good it felt to scream different qualities of the Inheritance (Eragon) series for an hour with someone who gets it, while 4 onlookers were absolutely confused as to what was going on? It felt brilliant! To make every possible reference about Trolls and have people actually enjoy seeing my Trolls doll so much at rehearsal that they incorporate it into the production? How liberating it is to make jokes about my past that are morbid but hilarious to theatre students who relish in the uncomfortable? To willingly take shots of Malort together? (Not the worst thing I’ve ever tasted! Mushrooms still beat out Malort and a cat treat.) To walk like a goblin throughout the theatre building and try to scare every instructor and student that I see? And get a laugh out of EVERY single one rather than a scolding? It feels truly marvelous. 

It took one day. One day of being myself in front of others in the theatre building. And one month later, I have five women who I would do anything for. Who I would tell anything to and know I would be supported and accepted. Who will hide in the bathroom together because we forgot to do our homework and want to make something up really quick without noticeably showing our unpreparedness. Who I have sleepovers with every Wednesday because we are the coolest. Who will ditch class together to go to the beach because we work too hard and are tired! Okay, now I’m making us sound like bad students. We aren’t! We’re great students! Those just happen to be my favorite miniscule moments of my Girl Gang. My life has changed forever by meeting you at this moment in time, at this place in our lives. Rose once told me, “You being yourself has encouraged me to be more myself.” Wow. The impact one person can have on someone’s life, let alone five. 

These last three years, I’ve been in college. But it wasn’t the college everyone always talked about. These last few weeks have made up for it in spades. These are the moments I’m going to remember forever. These are the people I want to bring home to my family. These are the people who, even if we don’t talk every day or if we live thousands of kilometers apart (Elisa may be God, but she cannot travel instantaneously from Spain to America), we’ll still very much be a part of each others lives. This is the Senior Year that I wanted, I’ve never been more grateful for an exchange program. It brought us all together. I say this to my five people all the time, but ‘we accept the love we think we deserve.’ Well, I know for a fact that we deserve this love we have for each other. 

Fear is a fickle being. Fear stops us from doing things that are both good and bad for us. Normally, that’s a good thing. When it stops you from doing the things that may be the best for you is when we need to override that sensation. These people are what’s best for me. Being myself openly and wholeheartedly is something that I can never regret. It has brought my life so much joy and satisfaction, and also success. It really was the best thing that’s ever happened to me. (Besides Atlas, don’t tell him I said that!) I already know that the five of us would have found our way to each other eventually, but I always have believed that everything happens for a reason and that timing is everything. I definitely stole that from Charmed. The original, obviously, because it’s the greatest supernatural show from the 90s to exist. But enough people think that I came up with it because I’m so insightful, let’s not shatter their lovely ideal. Either way, the timing was right and the reason was clear – we need each other. 

So, be yourself! Introduce yourself to the world and stand tall. You are powerful in your own individuality. It’s one of the few things that can never be taken from you, it’s yours forever and it’s glorious. And hold on tight to your loved ones, hold on tight to your friends. The world is a crazy place and you should always let them know just how much they mean to you. Rose, Teri, Elisa, Stella, Alex – whatever our souls are made of, yours and mine are the same.