US Mess Part II

Planes, trains, and birds aren’t the only incidents we had. It was very smooth sailing for the most part. Emphasis on the “for the most part.” Sightseeing, fjords, the horses on every property, the waterfalls. We saw at least nine waterfalls while we were there. Doesn’t that sentence just sound insane? How is that possible? I went from being stressed about every move I made in my life to seeing a different waterfall every single day for over a week. I don’t want to say this trip was life changing because that just sounds superficial and cheesy, but it definitely changed my outlook on life, the land around me, and how I perceive relationships. And the best part? Despite being on a week and a half long trip with someone I have never lived with, being incredibly underslept, and being in such close quarters—Kollette and I didn’t argue a single time. It’s because we’re perfect. Just kidding! It did bring us closer than we’d already been though, and mind you we’ve known each other since we were thirteen.

That first day, we were in Reykjavik and we decided to end the evening at the Blue Lagoon. I would just like to note that before this trip I had absolutely no idea what a lagoon was. Creeks, lakes, rivers? Of course! I grew up in Missouri! But a lagoon? Absolutely could not tell you. And that was the best way to go about it, because I was so pleasantly surprised by every body of water henceforth. The Blue Lagoon was steamy; they gave us a drink and a face mask. But it was also our introduction to Icelandic hot water activities. Just to recap, we’re absolutely dead tired, underfed, we’re a little stressed out about Icelandic roads, and Kollette has just accompliced me in lifting a random ass cat into an apartment that it does NOT live in. First thing we see when we walk into the locker room for Blue Lagoon? Women walking in full confidence from the showers to the lockers fully nude. Talk. About. Culture. Shock. Now, I’m fairly used to dressing rooms, locker rooms, etc. I’ve been an athlete, dancer, theatre kid and sorority girl—I’ve seen it all. But I had just been coming out of a recurring bout of serious body dysmorphia and was positively not expecting this. I wanted to be one of those women! So confident! The reason people were doing this was because for all hot water activities in Iceland, you have to shower off any chemicals before getting in the water. I actually wish we did this in the US, but at the same time it severely dried my skin out because of the natural minerals in it. I digress! We go into the water and it is illustriously hot. We walk through the steam, enjoy our clay masks, drink our sparkling wine. We go into Shrek’s outhouse and scream laugh into the pitch black darkness because there were no lights in there and we sort of thought we might get murdered. For those of you that are not Samantha and Kollette—Shrek’s outhouse is code word for a steam room. They just all seem to look like the set piece from Shrek on the outside. It was glorious, the start to a lifestyle I’d never imagined for myself. The lagoon starts to close and we go back inside to shower off and wash our hair (the minerals are bad for your hair, a natural chlorine if you will) and I decided this was my moment. I too was going to strut naked through to the locker room post shower. I hyped myself up so hard, I gave myself a mental and verbal pep talk and started my little song and dance. And literally no one cared. Not a single person was privy to my internal drama. It was natural. I felt so empowered, I love the vibe of just not giving a shit and owning your body. I have always been pretty confident in all this but standing in a different country and allowing myself to do the thing and feel all the emotions that came with it felt different. It felt good. 

The second day, our hot water activity was another lagoon. I loved this one. It was less steamy, there were no face masks, but it was just my best friend and I vibing with a bunch of strangers in a large body of water. When we paid and entered the locker room, Kollette went to the restroom and I was tasked with taking our belongings to a locker and getting ready for the lagoon. Remember how I said all hot water activities required you to shower before putting on your swimsuit? Yeah. I walked into this locker room all by myself and found out that the showers were just open areas with shower heads. There were no doors or enclosed spaces like Blue Lagoon the night before. Again, I’m pretty confident in all this. But I have never encountered this experience before; so I just kind of waited for Kollette to enter the locker room so we could be brave and confident together. I’m glad I did too because she was as nervous as I was! As soon as she walked in I did the sort of awkward shuffle and said “so um, I waited for you because I didn’t want you to be surprised and blindsided. But look! Should we just go for it?” And we DID. We stripped down and walked fully nude to this open area with at least six other women washing off. We talked as we washed ourselves because we’re normal adults and normal adults can talk to each other while showering together in this situation, right? An older woman noticed our American accent right as we were finishing up and came over to us and just lamented how her and her partner rented a van to do the Ring Road like us, but their navigation system wasn’t working and neither were their phones because they didn’t get an International plan. They decided to just make their trip mantra “fuck it, let’s wing it.” Which I LOVE. We told her we were staying in a different place each night, we shared the Midwest goodbye, and suited up to head outside to the water. Isn’t that wild?! Kind of a liberating experience for me, to be honest. 

The rest of the hot water activities manifested in similar ways for the remainder of the trip. Some had enclosed showers, some were open spaces, some there were people who were excited to get to know us, others that weren’t. My body and I got really comfortable with each other thanks to it. I really needed that at that point in time too! I wish America was more open to body positivity rather than the stasis of where we are now. I went from being told my shoulders were too enticing and inappropriate for male eyes, to being around so many women just out and open about every crevice and stretch mark. 

We go back to the rental car after Blue Lagoon and head to our airbnb for the evening. As Kollette drove, I sat in the trunk and started to pack overnight bags for us to take into the room, so we didn’t have to carry in all of our suitcases every night. There are two things I should probably mention at this point. The first being, Kollette drove the entire nine days, I did not drive once. This was intentional. And it’s not because I’m a terrible driver! I know that’s what you were thinking but it’s not true. I’m an average to good driver. As a navigator? I am absolute fucking garbage. Which I own up to! So I was not allowed to be in charge (a.k.a. drive). Especially because as it was, we were google mapsing our day the night before when we had wifi and screenshotting the directions then just winging it the day of; if we got lost then I would turn on my data for a few moments to GPS us before going on airplane mode again. Other than that though, we really went off my screenshots and sheer fucking luck. The second thing being that we took dehydrated food and MRE’s for dinners that trip. We had enough dehydrated vegetarian packages for Kollette and MRE’s that I’d borrowed (re: snatched) from my cousin who was in the military. We did this mostly because we’re young and dumb and broke and food in Iceland is expensive due to their strict importation laws. It was also just a fun idea! We had a good time with it! We were in the most rural areas most nights where there was no grocery store or restaurants so it ended up really saving us in the long haul. 

That first night, we ended up getting lost on our way to the Airbnb, pitch black in the middle of nowhere. I’m in the back of the car packing a backpack each with our pajamas, meals for the evening, our toiletries and outfits for the next day while Kollette navigates and drives; and we get positively lost. Luckily, we were in the midst this trip of just leaving it up to the fates. We were having a good time, if we got lost we just got to experience a new area! We had very few time constraints for the places we were going. Plus, Kollette is an excellent navigator and has a lot of common sense. Which is why she was in charge. We bring our things inside and I make our dinners as Kollette dries our wet swimmies. We try to be as quiet as possible because we’re not the only people staying in that airbnb. Which was very obvious because goddamn could that other person snore! Talk about potential sleep apnea! We could hear it all the way down in the kitchen, which was down a level and 2 rooms over. We were extremely tired so we ate pretty quickly, did our nighttime routine, and headed to bed. It was this cute little room with two twin beds and a sunroof. I remember thinking this would be perfect to help us wake up in the morning. We had plans to get up to watch the sunrise. That did not end up happening. You know when we actually woke up? Almost eleven in the morning. Turns out, we hadn’t taken the shade off of the sun roof… Oh well, we needed the sleep. Besides, this meant we had the house to ourselves as we got ready for the day and packed up our things. When getting ready, we looked out the window and saw that about ten feet away were their horses just roaming in the sunshine. It was serene. 

We started the next day with a short hike around Kerid Crater wearing our new wool scarves from the day before. We’d made it less than twenty minutes in when Kollette had to tell me I’m not allowed to dangle upside down off of the crater. What? I wanted to see what it looked like! It took another twenty minutes after that for me to start shedding layers. This became a regular trend this trip. I run so much hotter internally than most people do, plus I’d been living in a literal desert for the last year. I no longer remembered how many layers I would wear compared to others. Turns out, it’s two layers less. We enjoyed the peacefulness of the crater so much, we just sat on the rocks and relished it for a while. I made little Japanese rock balancing towers and manifested feelings of hope and purpose for Kollette and I. When we got what we needed from the crater, we continued to Thingvellir National Park, where we experienced one of those random road closures that you don’t find out about until you get there! We stumbled across a small waterfall—our first of the trip. Kollette kept telling me to just “wait until tomorrow, then you’ll see a real waterfall.” And boy, was she right. We drove to another waterfall after that, chomping on our Nóa Kropp all the way. We went to Geysir Hot Springs as I told her about my recent dating failures; we ran around like children and climbed rocks on Brúarhlöð as we inquired on the science of why the water looks so milky in some parts and not others; we sprinted through the countryside trying to make it to a hot spring wearing swimsuits, silk robes, and flip flops while sheep literally screamed at us. We had a good day and it was about to get a whole lot better. 

That night, we were staying at an igloo village, this was one of the things I was most excited for. In the morning light, this place was stunning! But in the pitch black it was definitely quite terrifying and creepy. We were late checking in because of everything we did that day, we ended up driving through rows of igloos three times before I called the manager so he could tell us where we were and where we still needed to go. He said he would meet us at the car and that he would direct our car to the proper igloo. I’m telling you, you have not experienced confusion until you see a retired and gruff seeming Santa Clause wearing wellies and a heavy duty raincoat just emerge from a row of trees in the middle of the night. Should I be afraid? Should I be comforted? Is he carrying an axe or presents? This was the living embodiment of what Klaus from the Vampire Diaries BOOKS looks like, not the show. It turns out, he was very kind but sleepy and he did not murder us. We parked in front of our igloo, he walked us through where everything was and told us how the kitchen and bathrooms were in the lobby of the main house. The lobby was also the only area that had free wifi, so we gathered our dehydrated food/MRE’s for the night, our boxed wine, and headed over to the lobby. We sat here for hours on accident, just joking with my mom over snapchat, snacking on food, drinking boxed wine, and generally enjoying the free wifi that you only really savor once you know it’s not readily available. When we headed back to the igloo for the night, we were stumbling around in the dark. It’s the middle of the night in the woods, what did you expect? This is very similar to both of our backyards growing up so neither one of us was very pressed with flashlights. Big. Mistake. I only realized this as I heard a comically loud DOING ringing through the air then just immediate flashing pain in my shin. My clumsy dork baby self walked in the ONLY spot where there was a giant metal pole protruding from the ground. By GOD, it hurt so freaking bad. Obviously I’m laughing through the pain though, this is just par for the course with me. I am the silliest of silly gooses. I also am terrible at walking like a regular person unless I’m wearing five plus inch stilettos. We stumble back to our igloo trying to stifle our laughter so as not to wake anyone up but when we get there, it is freezing. Even with the heater running, we took sleeping bags and put them under the comforter and cuddled up like butterflies in their cocoons. I slept so well that night.

The sunrise the next morning? The horses roaming the land? The inside of this glass igloo? Immaculate. This was a peak for me. Unfortunately, reality was ready to slap me in the face during our next excursion. Remember how I said I run hotter than most people? Yes, well I am still human. I wore a light rain coat (Kollette likes to remind me this was not waterPROOF but water resistant) and leggings with my yellow bumblebee wellies. No gloves. I make good choices (she says sarcastically). We went to Seljalandsfoss, which is a gigantic waterfall that you can actually see from all angles, because there’s a cliff you can walk to that shows you the back of the waterfall. Talk about achieving my Journey to the Center of the Earth dreams. The downside? The water from the waterfall splashes at every angle. And I was wearing the least amount of waterproof clothing possible. Also, it was freezing that day. Kollette kept laughing at me and as I shook imperceptibly, I refused to acknowledge my bad choices. I just kept saying “I INVENTED CHILL” in my best Jack Frost voice. By the time we got back to the car, I just started taking off my wet clothes and adding nice, warm, dry layers. I’d make better choices next time. And I did!

After that we hiked to Seljavallalaug Swimming Pool, which was much more of a hike than anything we’d done yet and had not expected but was great all the same. Every single thing I saw drew a comment about Trolls or Quest for Camelot from me. Similarly to the Hobbit style landscape at the hot springs the night before, Kollette had unintentionally planned the scenic trip of my dreams. The pool itself was one of my favorite things from the entire trip. It was warm but not steaming, we were one of many at first until people trickled out, then it was just Kollette, me, and one other couple. I caught up with my best friend about her life. I loved it. We hiked back, this time knowing where we were going instead of trying to follow the vague image of people far in front of us. We had accidentally spent several hours at the pool and didn’t have enough time to do some of the other things on our list. We decided to do the closest—Skógafoss Waterfall. Which just happened to be over five hundred stairs up and then again down. Definitely felt that one. 

We stayed at a hotel that night; when we headed over we realized we needed to do some laundry and should ask the front desk if they had any facilities. It turns out they didn’t have any laundry facilities themselves but that there was a campsite a two minute drive away that had some we could use. We drove over there to find the gate was closed. The man at the gate asked us if we were staying there, we said no. He asked what we were doing, we told him. He had been reading a book and eating a sandwich when we interrupted him and said absolutely not. Actually, that’s not true. What he said was to go back to the front desk at our hotel and “Tell them to love you and wash your clothes.” This became our new statement. “We know my mom is a psycho but at least she loves me and washes my clothes.” I mean, that’s powerful. That’s love. We didn’t tell the hotel that though, we just bided our time for the next night. 

We hiked a mini waterfall on the grounds the next morning. But let me tell you, this was not an ordinary hike. First of all, the one rule our parents kept telling us we had was to not go hiking unless there was a local guide with us. Because murderers! Naturally, we did not care or listen. I nodded complacently every time my mom would mention it, knowing full well I was a grown adult who hiked literal mountains in Arizona once a week for a year. So, of course, it was fate that five minutes into us hiking by ourselves on the grounds and only just after we’ve become hidden from view do we run into a lone man. My only thought was, “dammit now I have to come up with a lie for how we got kidnapped so my mother doesn’t find out she was right.” Yeah, we deserved that one. We didn’t get kidnapped though! He continued on his merry way. We hiked up and up to the top of the cliff where we found a little yellow hydroelectric power building called the Golden Nugget. We walked over to the water that was inland so as not to get thrown off the cliff by the powerful wind, and there was a sign! Supposedly, there was once two nuns who saw a hand reach out of this pond/lake with a golden fork. They walked over to it to take a closer look and were dragged into the water, never to be seen again. Now, I don’t believe in those kinds of things (sort of) but I’m definitely not going to risk it! Just like, I know there isn’t a monster in my parents basement, but I’m sure as hell not going down there by myself at night anyway! Just in case. The wind is so strong that honestly? It could blow us into the water if we’re not careful. I knew what that meant! A golden fork out of the water was potentially next! We needed to get farther from the water. I see the tiny bridge that runs over a stream a few feet away and sprint over it so no one can grab my ankles from the water. Because I’m smart! I turn around to see Kollette casually strolling over the bridge, not a care in the world. Um HELLO. That’s how people die in horror movies! But she just laughed, at least both of us lived through it. We really started to get worried about the wind so we ended up hiking down the way we came up right after that and didn’t even run into any lone men! Suck it, mom. 

Day four we caught up on a few things we’d missed the day before. Which really just consisted of Eldhraun Fields because we didn’t want to backtrack hours for another waterfall. Instead we continued on to glaciers, icebergs, and Diamond Beach. After a year of desert, beaches, and islands, a day full of ice was such a change. I was surprised how much I loved the view of it. We hiked the near-hour to the first glacier as Kollette told me about her friend group, we read the signs saying do not touch the water as I told her how much I wanted to touch the water anyway, we sat on the rocks and tossed pebbles into the stream like Frog and Toad, we hiked back as I told her about the move and the new people I’d just made friends with in LA. The next glacier we did not get up close to because you can only get near it via boats, which were all booked out for the day. Instead we just took in the view from afar. My favorite was what’s next—Jökulsárlón. You can tell it was my favorite because I used a picture from it on my Christmas card this year. This is a glacial lake fully littered with icebergs in varying shades of white, Cinderella blue, and black. It is here where I gave us bad luck for the next day. I picked up an iceberg the size of a small dog out of the water and said, “should I lick this?” Obviously Kollette said yes, but I think we all know I would’ve licked it regardless. It was really salty! I don’t recommend it, I can tell you right now it doesn’t taste good. But now I can go around using “I’ve licked an Icelandic iceberg” as my fun fact every time I have to do an icebreaker. No pun intended. We stayed at this glacial lake for a while, just watching some of them slowly melt, watching a documentary being silently filmed about a hundred paces away, and witnessed another old wives tale. We saw something moving in the water, it happened a few times. At first, it ended up being a single duck going under water then coming up and swimming around. But after that, I kept an eye on the duck and we STILL saw something moving in and out of the water. We came up with all kinds of explanations—another duck, a dead body, materialistic items people were supposed to hold on tight too but instead dropped in the water, seals, then Kollette brought up that Icelandic society believes in a sea monster that resides in that lake. Case closed. Why did we even bother coming up with reasons? Obviously that’s a sea monster! If they believe it, I do too. I was at the top of the cliff with the gold fork water earlier, I’m not about to dismiss this idea as hogwash. Kollette kept laughing it off and telling me it was a seal, but deep down I know she and I are on the same page. It’s a sea monster. 

We spent some time after that at Diamond Beach where we watched the waves crash against sand-locked icebergs. But the real kicker of the day? That’d be the horses. This whole trip so far, we’d been seeing acres upon acres of farmland. Sheep and horses are just roadside. Sometimes we’d see someone stop to pet the horses but we always had a time crunch or just weren’t at a part of the road where we could stop to do the same. Until we were en route to a small town for dinner after we left the beach. When we first walked over to the horses, they were pretty standoffish. We remembered we had apples in the car and brought those over to bribe them into liking us. Except these horses did not respond well to two young women waving apples at them saying, “ Come here horsey! We just want to be your friend!” I had this random idea that maybe they didn’t know it was an apple because they were too far away to smell them? I don’t know. Anyway, I take a bite of this apple and then drop the piece back onto my hand and hold it out for the horses. And that was the ticket! This older horse came over to us first and let us pet him. We ended up getting two more horses over a few minutes later, the rest of the herd was incredibly uninterested. So, we’re standing on the side of the road in the middle of the late afternoon taking bites of apples then spitting them back into our hands for these three horses and someone drives by us and just honks at us! I remember thinking, how rude! When we’re on the last few pieces of the apples, two of the horses start to fight each other and we take that as our cue to discreetly sprint back to the car and continue on our way. 

The restaurant Kollette was excited about ended up being closed so we find one that’s right on the edge of a port and decide it has to be good enough. We clock as soon as we walk in that we’re underdressed (a first for me, usually I’m overdressed) but there’s nothing to be done and no one seems to care. We sat down and ordered espresso martinis and baked brie and tried to find something on the menu that felt local while also translating the Icelandic krona to USD. I’m horrible at making choices at restaurants so I just ask our server what she recommends and she tells Kollette to get the langoustine and for me to get the horse. Yep, you heard that right. Both are dishes very local to Iceland. Well. When in Rome, I guess. Don’t attack me for this, but both were really good… I recognize that makes me a psychopath. To feed horses then a few hours later, eat one myself. But wait there’s more! A few days after that, I rode a horse too. So, I just felt all kinds of morally conflicted after that. 

We decided to end the night at some nearby hot tubs while we gossiped about people we went to high school with and decided where our next international trip will be and drinking more of our trusty boxed wine. We were staying at a guesthouse that night, but luckily we were smart enough to tell them we would be checking in late this time. Everything was set up and all we had to do was drive out into the middle of nowhere in the pitch black again! The last several days had been something out of a movie so we just decided to end it on one. We finally had wifi, a microwave to eat our leftovers, and we had streaming apps. We turned on Frozen and belted it out in our little yellow house in the Icelandic countryside. The perfect end to several perfect days. What came next was thanks to my little ‘ice-licking back luck’ as we liked to call it.