Have you ever had a moment where something has come out of your mouth and absolutely shocked you? I don’t mean a Freudian slip or something said in the heat of the moment. I mean an honest to god Michael Scott “I declare bankruptcy” moment where something absolutely insane comes out of your mouth for no reason except that you’re unhinged. I had one of those in London. Well, actually, I had a lot of those moments in London but the most notable was Jane, I Presume.
Kollette and I are at the Savoy Grill having a Michelin star dinner, and I get up to go to the restroom. If I were to paint a picture: that restaurant is inside a hotel, so you have to leave the Grill to go to the hotel restroom down the hall. Not a hardship, by the way! Its a luxury hotel so the bathrooms are immaculate. I’m talking multiple rooms, sitting area, fresh towels for every use, wicker baskets for dirty linen, and full floor to ceiling doors for the stalls.
I’m sitting in a stall doing my business and I hear a knock at the door. “Someone’s in here,” I say. No reply. Knocking on the door again, rapid fire like she’s excited. “It’s me! Let me in!” First of all, I have no idea who that could be. “Just a moment,” I say, “someone’s in here.” The girl does not get that I’m in there. She knows SOMEONE is but I think she believes I’m her friend? The she comes again with “Jane, it’s ME. Jane let me in its me, I know you’re in there.” At this point, I’m like okay, I need to be very obvious here – she specifically thinks Jane is in this stall. So I say “This isn’t Jane” very politely. That’s it. End of sentence. I could literally feel her cheeks burning through the door. Then a quick, “I’m in here!” From the stall next to me and she shuffles over and into her friends stall. I hear them whispering back and forth about how she thought it was me, giggle giggle here, giggle giggle there. I just smiled to myself because honestly, a few years ago and that was me and Kollette too. It was sweet watching girls just being girls. Mind you, ALL of this is said in a british accent and all takes place in the course of less than two minutes. I hear them go out to the sinks as I finish up and head there myself, and as I wash my hands I lock eyes with the girl in mirror and out of my mouth comes, “Jane, I presume?” In the MOST ARISTOCRATIC, JUDI DENCH STYLE VOICE I’VE EVER SPOKEN IN. I WAS LIKE WHO LET ME SAY THAT. The room goes silent.
Jane and her friend were definitely in high school or early undergrad and I recognize the moment when two close friends lock eyes with each other and telepathically say ooohhhh we’re so going to laugh about this in a few minutes.
I smiled to myself and return to the dinner table with Kollette. I gently drape my linen napkin across my lap and turn to Kollette saying, “you’ll never believe what just happened.” And you know what? We also had a good ole giggle about it. I’m quite fond of that memory. Almost a year later and I think about it often. I hope those girls are still giggling about it too! We’ll all always be bonded by Jane, I Presume.
